The Blog of Eden

Edenpage.blogspot.com dies today, age 4

2010-02-09T16:53:00.004-06:00

Edenpage.blogspot.com, the first blog in the history of Eden Page’s life, was found dead today in a hotel room in Oregon, officials say. He was 4.

No cause of death was immediately available, but a statement by the chief of blogging police believes it to be the doing of wordpress.com.

"We're all devastated to hear of edenpage.blogspot.com’s passing," Eden Page, head blog author, said, tears in her eyes. "He was a wonderful blog, a brilliant outlet of energy, and will dearly be missed, but really, I think it was time to let him go."

Eden Page has wasted little time to pick up a new blog, http://edenpage.wordpress.com/ located here.

Diagram of Permanent Church Seating

2009-12-07T07:14:00.005-06:00

You come into a church you have never been to before.

You sit down.

One or two elderly women begin to sit around you and start up a conversation about their grandchildren, personal body functions, or a bird they just saw outside.

Suddenly, a swarm of elderly women begin to sit around you and the chatter picks up.

"OH NO!" you think, "Now I've done it. I am now sitting in the old lady section of the church!"

You want to get up but it is too late. The women would be highly insulted if you left because they are from eras in which people were a lot more polite. You slouch down in your chair and prepare yourself for a long, long service.

Well those of you who visit my church, "El Buen Pastor," are not going to have trouble with this any longer! To solve this problem I have developed a useful diagram of all the permanent sections of the church so that you don't end up sitting with a group you are not comfortable with or end up taking someone's seat.

As you can see in the diagram, I sit in the middle with my other gringa friend. Why?

1. Because I think the light chatter of the elderly women is quite entertaining

2. Because I don't want to sit to far to the left to be close to the creepy guys in their 30's, nor too far to the right to be distracted by the snide comments of the wisecracking young guys

3. Because its the best place to sit acoustically.

You just don't understand this culture

2009-11-15T22:22:00.007-06:00

Today, I spent the day with a few other friends and our church's pastor planning for the university group at church. One suggestion was made that we should make sure everyone gets asked if they read this weeks reading and whether or not they read the prayer emails and prayed. "That way," this person said, "each person will be sure to do so the next week for fear of being asked again."

I said in response, “but the only problem with this is that people are going to be acting out of guilt or shame rather than because they actually want to pray for others because they love Christ.”

El Pastor responded with something that surprised me, “but, Eden, I don’t always want to read my Bible, but I depend on the reminders of others to keep me motivated to do it. Guilt and shame are valid ways to get people to act.”

I then responded yet again, “But when I look at my students I see some of them require teachers telling them to do their homework, others need no reminders because they love doing their homework. My goal as a teacher is to teach those who need reminders to love to do their homework just like the others, to teach them to be motivated because of love and not guilt.”

“But my Dear Eden,” responded El Pastor, “This culture is different. No one acts without a consequence. We all need someone to tell us what to do or we are not going to do it.”

Here I stopped. I have learned enough from about Latino culture to know that their culture really is different in this aspect. But I am still not sure if that is an excuse. I want to hear the Pastor say, "this is something I don't like about our culture and we need to change in this aspect." But I need to look up more information before I expect that. And if I do find out that it truly is something wrong, I need to remember that I come from a culture which has its own sin tendencies.

Ahh the beauty of living cross culturally. It opens our eyes and opens our identities so we can plainly see the roots of our sin problems.

----------------------------------------

Later, El Pastor talked about me being the head of some English classes we may hold in our community as an outreach. He said to me, “so are you up for being in charge of them?”

I paused and then nodded.

Then he smiled and pretty much told everyone “now watch this” and then turned to me, “I had an American daughter who lived with me for a year and I learned a lot about her ways, including the fact that you all are sure to do something if you have set dates for it. So tell me, what is the beginning date and the end date of the classes which you would want to give?”

I paused and then said, “I don’t know, I have to check my calendar first.”

He laughed, “Of course! Your calendar. All you Americans have your little agendas!”

Oh dear. It seems the culture I so often observe is observing me right back.

Only in Peru

2009-11-14T08:19:00.006-06:00

Elegance...

passion...

unpolitically correctness...

Peruvian Emphasis Week is always an exciting experience.

The unpolitically correct part of the performance came last, with 11th and 12th graders performing a dance to honor the roots of Afro-Peruvian Culture. It was quite humorous to see a Japanese student and a group of very white Americans' meager attempts to become another culture.

In the words of one of the three administrators, "If this were to happen in the states, all three of us would immediately be fired."

If you want to hear the rest of song "Ritmo Color y Sabor" hear Eva Ayllon (most famous Peruvian singer) finish it here.

International Christian School of Luchadores

2009-10-30T22:44:00.002-05:00

Here is a photo from "Nacho Libro Night" at our school.

I never want to see spandex again.

The kids dressed up too:

The coolest part was when we stopped the movie to watch a dramatized wrestling match on a fenced trampoline. The short clip below shows a father wearing his 11 year old's sweat pants completely dominate the "Calculuchador" whose shirt claimed he would "put the fear of mathematics inside of you."

Listen to the chant of the little children. So young... and yet so bloodthirsty.

No Sale Mi Dedo, likely blockbuster of the year

2009-10-20T18:05:00.003-05:00

Movie Summary:

On the way home from a church trip, Andrea gets her nail stuck in her purse zipper and is saved by an unlikely hero. Spanish with English subtitles provided.

Madeline: Andrea’s finger is completely stuck! Here we can see it live. Andrea, say something please.

Andrea: Huh?

Madeline: Say something.

Andrea: (whining) My finger won’t come out

Madeline: Miss Page is doing somethi… It came out! It came out! good!

Eden: (winks into the camera recognizing her moment to shine)

Madeline: Eden helped, Eden helped.

(I sense that I didn’t actually quite get the translation of the first line completely correct. Can anyone reading this who understands Spanish better than I correct me?)

ICSL Goes Commercial

2009-10-19T22:57:00.009-05:00

So one day last month, when we looked outside the windows of our school, we saw something very different on our front lawn.

The building had been repainted, grass had been uprooted for a pathway, and the front had been covered with a new daycare facade all because apparently the director of a commercial - probably the crazy dressed guy in the picture below - decided it was the ideal spot.

Here is the commercial and translation below for your pleasure.

A father is dropping his son off at a nursery.

Dad: Ok I am going to leave you now

Son: Ok dad. (voice changes) Ahhhh! Oh no! I have hit puberty already!

Dad: Yeah yeah that happens, see you.

Little girl runs up:

I am actually 30, but drinking Ovaltine stunted my growth.

Little boy runs up:

Watch out for the demon-possessed nursery attendant.

Nursery attendant walks up:

Remember that tomorrow you need to pick up your son at…(voice changes) I am legion and we are many! Watch out that I do not enter you as well!

Dad: Ahh! A demon! Better drive away leaving my child to his imminent doom!

Various Announcers:

That’s why you need Movistar Demon Detector. Its friendly chime helps you to know whether or not a voice change is due to something completely normal like early puberty or stunted growth or if it is due to demon possession.

Dad: Woah Woah! Does it protect me from demon possession too?

Announcer:

Demon Wards are included!

Voice over:

Movistar, Protect yourself from Beelzebub and his armies.

Oh those foreign commercials! Always so crazy!

To see more about the making of the commercial and spot more of what our school looks like, watch the movie below.

A Day with Family

2009-10-18T08:48:00.005-05:00

A Thursday ago, I found myself and most those who go to my church piling into two big buses and heading an hour outside of Lima all for the noble end of spending time together and getting sun.

First, we were divided up into groups of colors and we competed with one another for about three or four hours. Usually only one or two people from each color group would need to step forward and play one of the games while the rest of us sat back in

the sun and chatted.

Then came the moment we had all been waiting for. The scores for all the games had been tallyed and the pastor can be seen in the video announcing the runner up.

Afterward, we went swimming in an extremely crowded pool. My girl friends and I were tormented with cat calls and whistles there and even got an "Ooooooh como las chicas de Baywatch!" Unnerved, we got out immediately...

and we went on a walk, just girls.

And then the best part came. I got to hold my favorite infant for a while and had some good conversations with older church members. Then I pulled out my frisbee and taught some girls how to play. Afterward, relaxed, I feel asleep in the sun.

Going home, I shared 4 seats with 7 people. Cramped, I stuck my feet, covered in style thanks to the socks Dale sent to me, up on the seat in front of me. Peruvians don't know what to think of me as they think of looking like an idiot as something to be avoided at all costs.

Song of Peruvian

2009-09-22T23:14:00.002-05:00

Dedicated to all who have lived as gringas in a Latino enviroment

Beloved Gringa

¹ Do not stare at me because I am white,
O sons of Lima,
white like the wheat fields of Kansas,
like the hair of Tom Brokow.

Latino Lover

² Que bonita you are, mi angelita!
Ay, que bella.

³Your eyes are light.
Your hair is like a flock of llamas
descending from the Andes Mountains.

⁴ Your are like the statue of Liberty,
heads taller than anyone you pass on the street,
including me.

Beloved Gringa

⁵ I love it when you sit on the park bench, repeatedly wolf whistling at me,
Each day you are there
Because you are unemployed.

⁶ Your head is like a raven… if the raven is grey and unkempt;
How I long to slide my fingers
through your oily mullet.

⁷ Your shirt, once white, tells of memories
Of searching through garbage cans
And of forgetting appropriate hygiene.

⁸ Your raspy whisper of “Ay que preciosa,” draws me to you
I ignore you, but you know
that I secretly long for your embrace.

⁹ “¿Cual es mi numero de telefono?” I will give it to you gladly
How I long for you to use it to find out where I live,
Do come… come and stalk me.

Latino Lover

¹⁰ I liken you, mi preciosa, to a blonde Hollywood actress
a flirty and ditzy Cameron Diaz or Kate Hudson
who is hungry for my love.

¹¹ I pursue you with the few English words I have memorized
“Baby! Sexy! Hello! ¿Tienes novio?
How impossible it is that you can resist me.

Oh rats!

2009-09-21T19:51:00.002-05:00

I recieved this email today:

The poor 1st grader who found the bloated rodent staring up at him...

Quote of the Week: Celu's de Pecado

2009-09-13T22:11:00.007-05:00

To give visual context to the story I am about to tell...

...here is the outside of my church:

...and here is the inside:

El Pastor hates cell phones. Last week he took 2 minutes just to make sure everyone had theirs turned off. So, at church today, the inevitable happened.

At the beginning of the sermon, a cheerful little tune began polluting the rooms sound waves. El Pastor immediately stopped his message and turned towards the sound, silent, a frigid stare on his face. Some people, including me, giggled shyly.

El Pastor: Whose cell phone is that?!

Cell Phone Owner: (in silence, reaches into bag to turn off cell phone. Though he is trying not to move an inch of his body so as to remain anonymous, all can see him and El Pastor's eyes narrow at him).

El Pastor: Turn it off now.

After this scene, all over the room, cell-phone-turning-off sounds can be heard.

El Pastor: Anyone else?

One more cell phone-turn-off sound can be heard and then... silence.

El Pastor: (then turns to the owner of the cheerful little tune) You know what? This is sin!

It is more and more obvious to me that I live in a shame culture which pretty much means that people are motivated by fear of being shamed. Most those who read this are from the United States, where people are more motivated because they are afraid of feeling guilt. In reality, we shouldn't be motivated by either shame or guilt but only controlled by the love of Christ and we should motivate one another only towards Him, only through Him. This is something you, I, and Christians everywhere don't do, and we all need to think out the implications of this bit of knowledge.

Still, I applaud El Pastor for doing something about the annoying cell phones.

No remembero how to say eleven

2009-09-11T00:11:00.003-05:00

From the One Semester of Spanish Love Song which Amanda just introduced me to. Watching this YouTube is encouraging to me, because it rememberos me of where my Spanish language ability used to be and how far I have come.

I stayed in Peru this summer and savored it.

My favorite part was going with church friends to Cañete, a small village 3 hours outside of Lima:

While there, we played games (including ultimate frisbee!!!)...

climbed a steep hill...

and celebrated Nadia's 22nd birthday party.

We slept 2 to a mattress in an uncomplete house which Christian's uncle owns. 10 girls in one small room next to another small room where 10 boys slept. Of course, all 20 of us shared a bathroom which had no running water.

So for this reason, a few of us girls ended up washing our hair and brushing our teeth in the river...

On the night of their Independance Day, we went to see the townspeople alight a robot which was completely loaded with high-power fireworks.

The fireworks caused the arms, legs, and some unmentionable body parts to move on the giant robot and occasionally a large firework would blast into the air and light up the sky.

After that, we danced in the town square. We ended up playing a game where one of us would make up a dance move and the whole group of us would dance using that move. Then we started repeating the dance moves which fellow dancers who were "slightly overserved" were creating.

But my favorite thing we did was try to swim upstream a river with rapid rapids. Right after this picture was taken I walked into an area where the current was quite strong. Here is what occured (try and imagine the scene as if it were in a movie and it will be much more exciting)...

"Eden! Get out of there!" Yelled Carlos, and the rest of the group joined him in yelling for her to get out.

But it was too late, before the words had left his mouth the river's current had the distracted gringa completely within its grasp. Her anxiety rose as she flailed through the current with no success. She was being pulled faster and faster to the small waterfall downriver.

Brave Maria, holding onto a rock flung out her arm so that Eden could grab on before she was sucked under.

"I can't reach!" said Eden hopelessly.

"You can, just grab onto my hand!" Yelled back Maria.

"Its too late!!! Nooooo!!!"

"Eden!!!"

And then she was gone (some could swear they faintly heard Celine Dion's powerful voice blowing through the wind in that moment).

Eden was then completely controlled by the will of the river. Over, beside, and around rocks and finally, down a small waterfall.

There she stopped. All were silent, waiting to see the outcome.

They sighed when Eden stood up, unharmed.

As the rocks were quite smooth, the ride was fun rather than hurtful and I had a strong desire to let myself get sucked into the current again. But... alas... my friends wouldn't let me.

After the three eventful days, I came home to Lima with a stronger respect for rivers, personal bathrooms, and powerful firework bearing robots.

The Page's Take Facebook

2009-08-20T18:47:00.003-05:00

Everyone and their Grandma has facebook now. And that includes me. I spotted the following conversation amonst the older family members on my 15 year old cousin's wall. I miss them.

The bare necessities of life will come to you

2009-08-13T20:58:00.006-05:00

So today, our Columbian computer fix it man, Pablo was offering some of of the food from his native land to everyone at work today.

"What is it?" One of the Spanish teachers asked.

"Just try some, it's delicious," Pablo said, shoving a handful down his throat.

I picked one up and chewed it down.

"Which insect was it?" I asked.

And Pablo told me...

And a very large one at that.

It tasted like ...

toasted corn kernels (called "canchita" here in Peru).

Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

2009-08-13T20:25:00.007-05:00

For my elementary classes, I wrote the following above a painting on my white board:

What do you see first?

What shapes do you see?

During my high school art class, I turned around to see the following answers scribbled on the board as well:

What do you see first? Ms. Page

What shapes do you see? I cannot see anythings without you

Because anything was written with an additional "s" I soon sleuthed out the English-language-learning culprit.

Kindergoblins

2009-08-11T21:44:00.005-05:00

All day today, I was looking forward to teaching Kindergarten. I was right to be excited. Highlights of the class period.

One of the students, lets call him Edwin, laughing every time he deliberately disobeyed me and running around the room instead of going to time out (I am excited to see him learn).
Feeling like the most rotton person in the world when I made one of them cry (I took her ruler away because she wasn't listening).
Having to take a bathroom break for the last 5 minutes of class because when one has to go, they all have to go.
Spending 10 minutes trying to get Edwin to unlock himself out of the bathroom stall. When another student in the hallway started acting up, I just gave up and waited for his teacher to arrive.
Laughing with her as she tried to persuade him to get out:

Miss Daughterty: Edwin! Would you open the door please?

Edwin: NO! HAHAHAHAHAHA (a demonic laugh)

Miss Daughterty: This isn't funny Edwin! Open the door right now!

Edwin: (more demonic laughter)

While I watched the restless kindergarteners in the hallway, Miss Daughterty found a responsible looking 4rd grade boy to crawl under the stalls and unlock the door.

Having a 5th grade student stop in the hallway to look at the kindergarteners and say, "oh! aren't they just the cutest things ever."

Second First Day of Teaching

2009-08-10T21:05:00.008-05:00

I just finished creating seating charts for my elementary classes. A part of me relished the activity because I felt as though I was playing God.

The first day of this schoolyear was a lot more boring than last year's first day because I was much more relaxed. Here are a few highlights:

1. Watching mass confusion as we have two classes who are beginning middle school this year as we have just changed the system (both the sixth and seventh graders have never done the "switching classes" thing on their own before). All students were afraid and some looked like they were about to cry.

2. One of the new high school boys saying to me in complete seriousness, "I really just want to learn how to draw this year. I am not very good at it. Will you fix me?"

3. One of the new kindergarten girls telling me about her day after school, "I fell down and my box spilled all over the floor but guess what! My teacher didn't even yell at me!"

The view from my classroom window on an unusually sunny day.

The Tale of Sadie the Dog and Espe the Cat

2009-07-23T14:29:00.006-05:00

My 2 roommates and I just have made a move to a new home.

We already have a cat (reading the bible below)...and along with the new home we have inherited a dog...

and fish...

which we will keep until their owners get back a year from now.
When the cat first came, the dog would sit in her garden and the cat indoors and they would stare at one another. Usually in the morning, the dog would have some sort of conversation with her new companion.

Sadie the dog: (Woof woof) translation: Do allow me to present myself. My name is Sadie Block, do call me Sadie, it is simply a delight to have you here. And you are…?
Espe the cat: (silence)
Sadie the dog: (Woof wroof woof woof) translation: Very well, I shall allow you to preserve your anonymity. You know, there is something I have been dying to ask you…would there be a possibility of sniffing your rear in the near future? Do say yes!
Espe the cat: (silence)
Sadie the dog: (Woof ruff whine) translation: I find it quite rude that you won’t speak to me. Here I am, trying to carry on a decent conversation and you -
Me: (from upstairs window) -dumb dog! Be quiet and let me sleep in!
Sadie the dog: (Whiiinnee growl) translation: now look what you have done! One of the temporary masters is now upset with me!

As I speak basic Dog at best, I knew nothing of the broken understanding between the two animals. So when I had church friends over and the following conversation occurred, I made an uninformed decision:

Nadia: So do your cat and dog never play with each other?
Me: No.
Carlos: Why not?
Me: They still don’t know one another, I guess.
Josue: So why don’t we introduce them then?
Me: Hmm.
Christian: Yes, let’s introduce them!
Me: Well… Amanda and I were just saying that we should try and get them to become friends.
Josue: Then lets do it now!
Me: Sure, they have to become friends sometime. Just make sure the door is open so she can come back in if she gets uncomfortable.

So we put the cat outside. Sadie the dog jumped up immediately and ran towards Espe. Espe could have ran back in the house, she could have run upstairs even, but in her terror, she didn’t. Instead, she made three laps around the garden with Sadie running after her.
She finally hid behind a cactus.

Sadie the dog: (wroof grwoof) You finally made an effort towards our friendship! We are going to be the best of friends!
Espe the cat: (Merrooooww!!!) Over my dead body. Get away weirdo.

At the insult, poor Sadie, in unthinking fury, stuck her nose right into the cactus.
By this time, some of the guys had Sadie by the collar and Espe made her escape up all three flights of stairs to my room where I would find her later sleeping.

Sadie, however, had a cactus thorn in her snout. She did not even notice us removing it. Rather she was looking around the yard with eyes filled with lust for catblood.

That day, I learned a very valuable lesson: that friendship cannot be forced. The only other positive consequence of the blunder is that Sadie, having declared the “dog shun of silence” on Espe, no longer disturbs our sleep with one-sided conversations.

They now tolerate one another calmly, which considering the fights they have had, I believe is the most we can ever expect from either party.

You have no compassion for my poor nerves

2009-07-17T08:14:00.006-05:00

While rowing through the jungle, we spotted a British couple and their guide entering a canoe. The wife was mid-thirty ish, had good teeth. The husband was a bit older and balding. We were surprised to see as they climbed into their boat that the husband was frightened about the whole ordeal and when he finally fell over himself enough to make it to his seat, he sat there stiffly, knuckles white as he grasped the canoe sides.

Mama whispered, “Look at him! He is so wimpy. Why do you think he even came to the jungle?”

And then, adding emphasis to her statement, we saw him pull out a cross stitch from his bag and begin sewing.

Of course, we began giggling and took some stealth photos.

We finally were able to compose ourselves again until mama said, “Well, it probably helps in 'calming his nerves.'”

Car Trouble

2009-07-14T14:38:00.003-05:00

The mechanic decided to come and return the van of the family whose house we live in at the worst possible time today. Within the two minutes that he had it parked in our driveway, a troop of police officers came down our street this morning and gave tickets to all the cars which were even slightly sticking out onto the street. Every single one of our neighbors came out to see what was going on and everyone started yelling when they saw the ticket stuck on their car.

"Is this some kind of joke?!"

"Oye! We always park our cars this way! And you ticket us without warning!"

"@^*I&#"

The mechanic ran out and calmly tried to explain to the officer that he had just got here and needed to park the car that way in order to take out the other one. She was merciless and did not remove the ticket. A typical Peruvian policewoman doesn't take bribes and follows rules strictly while a typical policeman is more "sympathetic."

Here is a picture of the van parked correctly as well as furious neighbors. See if you can't find a lady in curlers.

Leaving Peru would be just as painful as being away from home does. I have got myself into a trap and the only way to get out is to chew off my leg.

2009-07-13T21:33:00.005-05:00

Chatting with Dale online just now caused me to come up with the above quote. Sometimes, through talking with people I discover more than I would thinking through things out on my own.

Es solo un juego!

2009-07-12T20:19:00.009-05:00

As two small figures on the screen kicked a footbol into a net my new dining room trembled with all the excited enthusiasm it was being filled with.

Half the room yelled "GOOOOOOOOOOOL!" while the other half slumped back in their seats in silent surrender.

Carlos collapsed on the kitchen table, eyes closed, and with the rest of his energy said in deep despair "No. It can't be. It just can't be," while at the same time Josue jumped into the air, gave his girlfriend a huge bear hug (which she accepted bitterly, not too happy with the victory). He then proceeded to run around the room a couple times yelling, then took me by the shoulders and shook me saying - "Guess who won Miss Page? Guess who won?"

He then ran to tell the guy in the bathroom about all he had missed.

I was asked all morning at church which Peruvian team I was going for "Universitario (U for short) o Alianza?" Now I am thankful that I didn't make a hasty decision. It will be a delicate process discovering which of the rivals deserve my confianza. (Confianza is a word commonly used in Peruvian culture which means deep, long-earned trust or confidence).

This picture was taken after watching Peru lose to Chile a few months ago.

"Somewhere out there is a lady who I think will never be a nun. Auf Wiedersehen, darling."

2009-07-11T00:41:00.006-05:00

While vacationing with my family around Peru (see pictures here) we stumbled across this scandelous poster hanging from an eyeglass store.

Museo de Zoologia

2009-07-10T19:52:00.004-05:00

One of my favorite museums we visited was a museum of very poorly taxidermied animals. They had an ROUS we promise - he had sharp, large teeth and was leering at me in a way that made me want to distance myself from him even though he was hardly able to jump on me and rip my shoulder off.

There was much marine life represented...

as well as a killer monkey...

and llamas in about-to-strike-you-dead positions.

Altogether a wonderfully haunting experience.

Ding Dong

2009-07-10T10:17:00.005-05:00

I woke up yesterday morning to the doorbell ringing.

It was Darwin, our painter, who likely is much more funny and kind than evolutionist Charles Darwin

was. He was going to paint a room in our home that day.

The doorbell rang.

A short guy with a mario moustache came to get the van parked in our garage and leave a truck there. As he was pulling in the truck I accidentally pushed the garage door opener button without realizing it and WHAM it banged into the back of the truck. He said it was alright and left.

The doorbell rang.

A guy selling oranges wanted to know if I wanted any to make "excellent juices."

I said I was tempted but not today, maybe later.

The doorbell rang.

Darwin came in after his lunch break and told me about how earlier today the dog found the cat litter box and cleaned it out herself by eating "all the stuff that the cat made" (literal translation). I then successfully expressed incredulity and then a high level of wanting-to-pukeness in Spanish.

The doorbell rang.

It was Darwin, who apologized saying he had forgotten something on his way out.

The doorbell rang.

It was a group of woman whose apartment had an electrical fire a few days ago. A total of 4 (2 Americans 2 Peruvians) will be staying with us for the next few days. 3 of the women are missionaries who will be heading to Tarma, Peru to work there for 2 years. One will remain in Lima. They left quickly to head to night class.

The doorbell rang.

It was one of our guests, returning home after her night class.

The other 3 soon followed.

Then I fell to sleep.

Do you take pictures...or do pictures take you...

2009-07-09T13:06:00.011-05:00

My family has a tradition of playing with picture themes on our trips together. Below are three collections of pictures from this last trip with some family in Peru.

Collection 1: interpretive tree dancing

Collection 2: Wedding Invite Silhouettes

Collection 3: Interactive Paintings

The Mannequin Returns

2009-07-09T11:24:00.007-05:00

My mom and Brother Joel have been here for the last month and just left last night.

Joel found some more uses for my new mannequin arm and a Peruvian face mask...

...and we both found some new mannequins with which to pose while we traveled around different regions of Peru.

Feliz Cumple Pe'

2009-06-14T09:12:00.008-05:00

Last night at grupo, Josue's dad spoke to us on character in his very "Carlos Gerstein" way. He is a rough 45 year old señor who mumbles out dry jokes which are humorous when I can catch them.

He has the same looks and mannerisms as the Godfather (especially when he lets his moustache grow out) and there is actually a facebook album dedicated to this fact ("Carlos Gerstein es El Padrino").

He spoke to us on character, asked us a lot of tough questions, connected what he had to say with Jesus, and ended by saying, "Look, you are at the age where you are young and everyone thinks you are a rebel' he paused, thought for a second, then added, "tambien, pe' " which is a slangish way of saying "well, me too."

After this, the grupo surprised me by bringing out two cakes and singing happy birthday to me in English (sounded so absolutely awful I laughed all the way through), Spanish (also sounded awful), and a different version of Spanish (pretty bad).

Then they asked me to give a speech. So I did. Here it is:

"Thank you all so much for the cake and the songs you sang so pretty-ly.

I am so thankful to God for your friendship and that here I can have a familia poquito ... I mean familia pequeño ... pequeñA. That's how you say it. Familia pequena."

They laughed at all my mistakes and then we shared around the cake.

As soon as I got my piece, Claudia and Maria chased me around for a while so that they could throw cake in my face. Which, since Bethany left, has become a tradition. Below is a photo of Bethany starting the tradition on her birthday:

They finally caught me. Christian and Claudia finally shoved it on. But I got sweet revenge by using what was on my face to share with them.

Peru is a wonderful place to celebrate your birthday. Peruvian friends of all ages felt the need to come up to me and hug me, then give a little flourishy speeches about how great I am.

Others gave me chocolate.

My roomates took me to Barranco for my birthday where they bought me dinner - very sweet. Afterwards, we went to the Metro Supermarket – when my cashier rang up my metro bonus card, she got this really warm smile on her face and had someone bring me a present in the obvious shape of a wine bottle.

Maniaquins

2009-06-07T10:03:00.007-05:00

I was delighted to find that the school play was all about mannequins (nice choice Amanda and Laura). I was even more delighted when one of the props (an actual mannequin arm) was offered to me to be used in my art classes.

But we found that it not only is a wonderful prop and object to draw. Here are other creative ways to use a mannequin arm:

Creep out your students… and then the parents of your students by touching them with it when their backs are turned
Slide it up your sleeve and have an extra long and goofy arm
Get odd looks when you greet people on the street with your long and goofy arm
Put it in your armpit and act like a t-rex
Pretend like it is your actual arm and scream in pain when someone pulls it off when they shake your hand
Make wonderful puns like, “Hey! Do you need a hand?
Flag down taxis then reject them with the appropriate Peruvian arm gestures
Accidentaly leave it on the floor under a pile of sheets and frighten your maid, Elida.

Eden and the Chipmunks

2009-06-02T21:02:00.005-05:00

I love my junior high students

I hate fake high pitched voices

My love is torn.

Today, the junior high girls were singing songs in high pitched, super annoying “Alvin and the Chipmunks” voices.

Annoyed boy: That is SO ANNOYING. It would be ok if you sang it in a normal voice but you are singing the song too high!

Chipmunk singer: So what do you want me to do? Sing the song in a super low voice then?

Annoyed boy: Yes! (He then started demonstrating what a super low voice sounded like by singing the same song while making a grinding noise with his voice box. It sounded even more annoying than the high pitched squeals of the girls). Ok I’ll stop now, singing this way hurts me.

Teacher: It hurts me too Seung Jae, It hurts me too.

Cheesy Pick up Line of the Week

2009-06-01T10:11:00.012-05:00

Our church meets in a large remodeled Peruvian house. Each Sunday, there are two greeters on each side of the door who kiss you and welcome you into church. Today I walked up to the church to see that thirty-something unibrow guy and sweet-old-lady-who-always-volunteers-for-everything were the greeters.

I was surprised that Unibrow Guy didn't say "good morning" but rather, just said my name...slowly.

Unibrow Guy: Eden...

Me: Good morning.

Unibrow Guy: Eden means paradise right?

Me: Yes it does.

Unibrow Guy: It makes sense because you look like a paradise today.

Eden's Peru Dictionary

2009-05-30T09:20:00.004-05:00

Eng⋅rish

men⋅u

[ing-rish men-yoo]

–noun

1.	a word puzzle to carefully decipher

2.	a list of typed phrases to humor

Aunt Susan, Grandma, and I were all relieved to find that "all their crudenesses were cleaned of cleansed water."

2 + 2 = 4

2009-05-26T21:22:00.004-05:00

As there are no sinks in the art room, cleaning can be quite complicated. Realizing this, I tried to eliminate problems by describing the system well.

Miss Page: As there are two sinks in the girl's bathroom, there should only be two girls in there at a time cleaning their brushes. It's the same with the boys' bathroom.

Student: No it's not the same.

Miss Page: Why not?

Student: Because there are FOUR sinks in the boy's bathroom.

And then I saw where I had lost my count.

If you give an Eden a vacation...

2009-05-26T20:35:00.005-05:00

...you know she will ask for a glass of silly mannequin pictures to be taken of her.

More photos can be found here.

Thanks for the socks Dale - well worth the $1.83 you spent on them

2009-05-26T19:04:00.005-05:00

Below you can see photos of me proving to the fashion worlds of Cuzco, Pisac, and Machu Picchu that socks are the new chullos of Peru.

Jesus takes care of us wherever we go

2009-05-24T22:48:00.008-05:00

While in Cuzco, Aunt Susan and I saw a young man who looked like Jesus. With ratty clothing, long hair, and a beard, and in his early 30’s he was perfect (literally).

Aunt Susan: What would Jesus do? Go to Cuzco. We are doing all right!

Jesus spottings continued throughout our whole Cuzco trip. He even was with us while we were in Machu Picchu. I guess you could say, Jesus was with us every step of the way.

Aunt Susan: Eden! I lost my way in the ruins and then guess who I saw? Jesus!

Me: So you decided to follow Jesus?

Aunt Susan: Yes, I was lost but then I found Jesus

Later, we didn’t know where we were supposed to meet with the tour group.

Me: I wonder where it is…

Aunt Susan: You should ask Jesus.

Me: What?

Aunt Susan: Well, Jesus is right beside you.

I then turned around and looked up to the heavens and guess who was there...

Then Jesus showed me the way.

Mi Abuelita

2009-05-24T22:01:00.013-05:00

Only one week ago, I was visiting Cuzco and the famous ruins of Machu Picchu.

Traveling with my grandmother makes a trip much different than traveling with other young people. Here are the reasons why:

1. We soon found how narrow the colonial sidewalks of Cuzco are (see the narrowness pictured below).

As we went on a walk there, we noticed a young backpacker was walking up the sidewalk while we were walking down. Aunt Susan and I stepped off the sidewalk so he could get through but Grandma refused to budge for him, “You’re young! I’m old!” she said, “You should let me have the right of way!”

It was strangely pleasant to watch a thoughtless hippi-backpacker hybrid have practical courtesy forced upon him.

2. While in Cuzco, the City of Incas but also the City of Tourists, we were bombarded by Peruvians trying to sell things to us.

We visited many cathedrals and museums and Grandma, often tired from walking, would find a place to sit down while letting us explore. One time after visiting a church, we found Grandma, tired of people trying to sell her things, giving the sellers a taste of their own medicine.

The sign she created reads "English lessons: 5 soles" (soles = peruvian currency). Peruvians stopped to laugh and I am sure fewer street vendors stopped to pester her. As Aunt Susan said, now we know why Aunt Anne is the way she is.

3. I was surprised to find that grandma isn’t a wall protecting me from creepy Peruvians but a secret passageway for them. She got to know this Quechuan boy on the bus ride and they exchanged emails. He, of course, he wanted my email.

Me: No.

Boy: (extremely unsubtly) So, you have a boyfriend?

Me: (extremely rudely) NO.

Boy: Why not?

Me: Because there are no Americans in Peru.

Grandma: (later that day) Well, I’ll still communicate with him by email but won’t give him yours and I’ll be sure to teach him protestant values and use the internet to translate my email into Spanish…and Quechuan if they have it!

Oh, and here is a photo of the little punk:

Oh what fun it is to ride

2009-05-20T21:39:00.007-05:00

My Grandma Denny and Aunt Susan are visiting me in Peru right now. It is very interesting to re-experience Lima culture with them.

Tonight the taxi driver who took us home was a bit more of a crazy driver than Grandma and Aunt had experienced before. He flew through busy intersections and swerved passed slow vehicles as if he owned the streets of Lima.

At one time, we stopped at a red light and our driver pulled the taxi into the green arrow turning lane asking, “So I turn here, no?”

“Well, it’s faster to go straight but it’s too late now,” I responded. But I had forgotten that it is never too late in Lima.

The driver shrugged his shoulders, stepped on the gas and illegally flew around the cars who had waited their turn at the red light.

“Whoops!” said Grandma, and then she and Aunt Susan laughed nervously.

The driver laughed at their reactions, “‘Whoops’? What do you mean ‘whoops?’ Where are you all from?” now realizing they weren’t from around here.

“They are my relatives visiting me from the United States,” I said.

The driver smiled, “They speak wonderful English.”

I laughed, “Yes, they do.”

“So they aren’t used to driving in Lima.”

Aunt Susan then decided to use her Spanish, “Es divertido! (it’s fun!).”

The driver laughed at Aunt Susan’s comment on the traffic being fun just as he was cut off by a huge bus and was forced to swerve to the side of the road, “It’s fun!” he said repeating Aunt Susan’s phrase in a cheerful voice laced with sarcasm.

A car then slammed on his breaks right in front of us forcing us to stop, “Whoops!” the driver said, repeating Grandma’s phrase, then he added, “How fun this is!”

Signs Too Risque for Facebook

2009-05-09T09:39:00.003-05:00

Note:

I just finished putting my Huaraz pictures on facebook. Check them out here .

Now, there were some photos which I didn't upload to the facebook album because I am facebook friends with many of those of more delicate natures (i.e. my students) (Ok, now I want you to reread that last sentence as if it were flowing out of the mouth of Mr. Collins himself).

But fortunately, because you read my blog, you are not of that nature and can read on and take a look at the forbidden photos.

Now for the photos.

1. While walking along the streets of Huaraz, we stumbled upon something quite shocking!

Of course we had to ask why on earth the store had that name.

"I don't know," the owner replied, "it just helps us get business I guess because people think the name is weird and then visit our store."

2. While in Yungay, many of us stopped to use the restroom. In the States, you go to the woman's bathroom and signs look like this.

But not in Peru...

An Idiots Guide to Dummies: Second Edition

2009-05-08T18:21:00.006-05:00

My obsession has not ended but rather, has been strengthened...

First, because I discovered a new species of creepy mannequins while on my trip to Huaraz...

and second, because I have found someone with the same passion for mannequin pictures as I have.

Everyone...meet Claire!

Together, we make a great posing-with-creepy-mannequins team.

Between a rock and a hard place

2009-05-08T16:45:00.009-05:00

About a month ago, 7 teachers and I went to Huaraz for Semana Santa Break.

One of the best parts about the trip was that after finding this book

many of us attempted to speak in cliches for the rest of the trip. I am as dull as dishwater when it comes to thinking of great lines on the spot, so I missed out on much cliche fun.

At one point in our travels on mountainous roads, our van screeched to a halt behind a row of cars.

Two friends and I jumped at the chance of a possible adventure and asked our driver if we could get out and see what all the fuss was about. He knuckled under and so we went on our merry way.

After a walk we heard manly yells in unison and then saw this:

It was a rock as big as a whale which had rolled out into the middle of the road. The guys did get it enough out of the way that cars could pass. But then that meant we would need to high tail it out of there because now cars were coming. My two friends with me went to the left side of the rock. "They are blocking traffic that way!" I thought, "and there's more than one way to skin a cuy"

(yes we did witness this)

So I decided I would need to walk around the rock. I went on the wrong side of the rock and sunk down all the way down to my knees. It was as clear as mud that I had made a mistake.

It looked worse in real life. But there was no point in crying over spilled milk. I decided to grin and bear it, rolling up half the mud into my capris and washing the other half the mud out at the side of the road.

As luck would have it, a huge truck transporting produce was sitting right next to me the whole time and on top of the truck were a ton of Peruvians who got a kick out of me. "Mira la gringa!/Look at the gringa!" they shouted, pointing and laughing till they cried.

Soon my van pulled up and I beat a hasty retreat.

Moral of the story: Rolling stones gather no moss but they might gather mud.

Hooligans!

2009-04-17T10:36:00.004-05:00

I found the above grafiti on my white board after class. The guilty party apparently doesn't understand how name changing works when a marriage happens. Or perhaps he thinks that I like my dad which, granted, I do.

Fujimori: a bad president perhaps but he sure makes a mighty good smock

2009-04-14T20:14:00.006-05:00

Yes, ex-Peruvian president Fujimori made worldwide news when he was convicted and will be imprisoned for corruption during his rule.

Yes, he is now the first democratically elected Latin American leader found guilty in his own country of human rights abuses (Viva el Perú!).

No, it doesn't mean that I'll cease letting my students use the Pro Fujimori smock that I inherited from the last art teacher.

I hate football

2009-04-14T11:12:00.003-05:00

Me: Look at your eyes – are they shaped like circles?

Students: No.

Me: No, actually, if you look at your eyes you can see they are really shaped more like American footballs.

Korean student: My eyes aren’t shaped like footballs.

Other student: No, they are more like Frisbees.

And with that, the football analogy was banished from my lips forever.

Mis hermanos no tienen límites/ My brothers are without boundaries

2009-04-05T20:25:00.013-05:00

Peruvians are a lot of things, but they are not politically correct. They will say that they believe themselves open minded and respectful of all cultures and statuses. But then they will turn around and call their chubby sister "gordita" (little fat one) or their korean friend "chino" (chinese) or their husband "feo" (ugly). You ask them why and they will tell you "it's an endearing term" or "it's what we all have always called him."

Chicha Morada: a peruvian drink made of purple corn.

Negrita: little black woman.

Chicha Morada Negrita: a storebought brand of chicha morada (note the very steriotyped black woman on the package).

So when we went to a restaurant last night and this is what the menu said...

Negrita.......................................S/. 3

Josue: Oh look, this menu says that for just 3 soles you can order yourself a negrita. Anyone want a slave woman to wash their dishes, take out their trash, and do other household chores?

Me: did he just say what I think he said?

Unfortunately, yes, he did. However he is Afro Peruvian meaning his purpose in saying that was not to show disrespect to the tragic history of slavery in Peru. Rather, he was enjoying the horrified expressions on our faces as he opened up a realm of dark humor to us which we can never enter.

I was talking to a colleague's wife when I heard even more of Josue's doings:

Me: So last night I was hanging out with Nadia, Josue’s girlfriend.

Annie: Josue has a girlfriend?

Me: Yeah, she is really nice, don’t know what she is thinking. AND she is about 5 years older than him. He likes older women aparently.

Annie: Oh I know that already…

Me: What do you mean?

Annie: Well…its kind of embarrassing.

Me: do tell.

Annie: Well, on Sundays I will be standing next to my husband and four children and Josue will be up on stage playing his bass during worship. On occasion, I'll be looking up front and occasionally I will catch his eye and he does this:

(below is the look she demonstrated for me along with a short head lift)

Annie: What on earth is he thinking? I could be his mother, Eden!

I think he would be much more annoying to me except that he really reminds me of my real older brother, who loves pushing and destroying boundaries in similar ways for humor's sake.

El Niño con el Pijama de Rayas

2009-03-31T18:37:00.007-05:00

Last night I went to see this movie with the Grupo. Though it was a intense and mournful film, I only teared up once through the entire thing (and I was humored to see that the supposedly macho latino guys with us were struggling to not break down in sobs right there in the theater by the end).

After the final credits came up, all of us just sat there

staring at the screen in horrified shock.

"Did you like the film?" I asked Adriana later.

"Well, how can anyone like that kind of film?" she said, "though it did make me think."

I nodded even though I didn't fully agree as I really had enjoyed enough aspects of it to be able to say that I enjoyed it. The acting and filming were beautifully accomplished. Additionally the film was extremely honest and truthful - not adding rays of sunshine where there actually are none (to make us viewers feel better inside when we shouldn't), but not glorifying darkness either.

However, even with all that being said, I probably will never watch it again.

Mis Hermanos Menores/ My Little Brothers

2009-03-30T08:41:00.005-05:00

17 to 25 year olds go to my Grupo. There are a lot of younger guys that go as well as many older girls. This has caused there to be a huge gap in maturity levels which makes things interesting… and painful. Let me show you just how painful:

1. Last night, the Pastor was leading the usual bible study. He let us know that he was thinking about starting up a class on God’s view of sexuality. Whispers and soft giggling immediately filled the room. I could almost feel the maturity levels dropping as El Pastor began to explain what the course would be about. He ended the introduction by saying, “It is very important for us to look at sex for just what it is – a blessing from God.”

And then at least three of the guys in the room shouted out a hearty, “Amen!”

2. Josue is a 17 year old guy who acts like an annoying little brother. His favorite pastime is calling me “Miss Page” rather than “Eden.” He does this because he feels it his duty to remind me during my leisure time that I am a mature, hardworking teacher and that it is my job and mine alone to stop relaxing and step up and take responsibility when responsibility is needed (even though often he is the one who creates all the problems to solve).

Here is an example:

Children are making noise and running around restaurant. Many in the restaurant are turning around and looking at them in annoyance.

Josue then says, “Oh but wait! No fears. We have a professora among us!” He turns to me, “Ok Miss Page, take care of them.”

3. Another time, Josue took the hand of Cristian and started holding it just the same way he would hold the hand of his girlfriend. He then turned his head back dramatically and batted his eyelashes at me as if showing off his newest catch.

I immediately asked one of the guys who knows some English, “How do you say ‘scars on my mind’ in Spanish?”

4. Mariano and Cynthia are walking and talking in front of a group of us guys and girls.

“Wait, wait, lets sit back and admire them” says Josue, not letting us pass so that Mariano and Cynthia walk on alone, “Wouldn’t they make such a beautiful couple?”

5. Our intern gringa, Bethany, is just beginning to get a grasp on Spanish. They often pick on her by saying something super fast in Spanish and then turning to Bethany sharply and saying, “Understand?”

I was talking with Mariano later and he asked me, “You have a lot of Americana friends visit this church. So why do none of your friends return? Are the guys not tall and hot enough for them?”

I just laughed but I should have said in reply, “It’s not a physical thing as much as it is a maturity thing.” However, although immature often, they can often surprise you.

6. One of the guys stops and lets me pass him as we are going down the steps.

“What are you doing?” I ask, thinking he is up to another trick.

“Just being a gentleman.”

“Oh.”

Still, none of these guys can ever replace my real little brother.

I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that...

2009-03-30T08:36:00.003-05:00

One of the evenings on which I was hanging out with Bethany, a gringa who goes to my church working as a short term missionary, we were walking around a park to see what things were going on. We ended up watching Merengue dancers with a crowd of Peruvians.

Then this younger Peruvian guy with longer, slimy brown hair turned to me and said in an even slimier voice, “What ti-i-i-me is it.” Bethany told me later that he sounded like a Harry Potter villan.

“Its 6:50” I answered.

“Thank yo-u-u-u,” the words slithered out of his mouth.

“Let’s go” I told Bethany. I really don’t like talking to creepy Peruvian guys, especially ones who are so unfortunate as to have the voice and hair of Professor Snape.

7 for the price of 1

2009-03-30T08:29:00.005-05:00

My life is moving so fast right now that I have no time to post all the blog worthy things that happen in my life. However. I just realized that one of my newest friends, Bethany, has been posting a lot of what I was wanting to post for me. So if you want to know what I have been up to click on the words in this sentence.

Peruvian Culture Fact #3: Time

2009-03-22T21:54:00.006-05:00

Ask an American why the copier is broken and they will say, "it's jammed."

Ask a Peruvian why the copier is broken and they will say, "Well I came up to the copier and it started making this noise, so I looked down and saw that these lights were blinking and it said paper jam and so I checked the paper drawers. Then I realized that we were out of paper so I went to go find some and couldn't but then someone came and helped me put it in..."

Americans value time, Peruvians value relationships.

To illustrate my point I have made a chart which applies this cultural concept to bible studies.

"God doesn't demand hectic church programs and frenetic schedules; he only wants his people to know him more intimately." - d.a. carson

Happy Pi Day!

2009-03-14T16:43:00.009-05:00

Did you know that in Spanish, Pi is pronounced "Pee?" For this reason, a potty humor plaugue occured in school yesterday. Because most everyone at our school likes Saturday more than math, we decide to celebrate Pi Day a day early.

It started with the entire school sitting in Chase Hall, buzzing of scarcely-held-in excitement.

Suddenly, as 2 teachers carried in the giant Pi sign, the students could hold it in no longer. A cheer of loyal pi-triatism broke out.

Mr Shlack, the high school math teacher, quieted the crowd with a face beaming of pride, "Does anyone know what day it is?"

No one answered him except Miss Mural, my English teacher roomate, who yelled "DORK DAY!" from the back of the room.

Mr Shlack attempted to cover up her comment and then tried again, "Does anyone know what day it is?"

One or two students then were kind enough to say "Pi day."

He then proceeded to describe pi and the English teacher continued working to assure all that Mr. Shlack was at his dorkiest.

Afterward, elementary students came up and sang songs about pi - adorably ignorant about the symbol they were singing about or the dorkiness they were making themselves suceptible to.

Then came the competition. Representatives from the high school came up and saw how many digits of pi they could repeat. The winner listed 253 digits.

Then came my favorite part of pie day.

I should have eaten 3.14 pieces of pie. Instead I rounded down and ate 3. Maybe next year...

Maidens of the Sea

2009-03-09T18:13:00.009-05:00

During the high school retreat last weekend I hiked up a hill near the beach with a lot of boy students. We stopped to rest - me on my rock...

...boys on theirs.

Miss Page after she wakes up: You guys look like sirens sitting on that group of rocks like that.

Student who doesn't listen in English class: What is a siren?

"Influenced-by-Peruvian-Machismo" Student: Is she calling us mermaids? Isn't that a kind of girly thing to be?

Student who lives to do well in school: You know, it's one of those humanoid creatures in the Odyssey that attracts men to their doom.

First Student: Oh, so in other words, Miss Page.

I am lost for I am a woman of unclean lips

2009-03-08T16:58:00.009-05:00

After two horrific Spanish language mistakes this last week, I don't feel like a very good missionary in Peru. I have decided to post them even though they are risqué to increase your entertainment and decrease my pride.

What I meant to say: “Hey, did you catch a wave?”

What I actually said: “Hey, did you have a one night stand with the wave?”

What I meant to say: “Every morning for breakfast I like to put strawberry flavored jam on my bread”

What I actually said: “Every morning for breakfast I like to put strawberry flavored condoms on my bread”

Not in Kansas anymore

2009-03-01T18:55:00.007-06:00

1. A Peruvian is riding up the street on his bike but he is going all over the road

2. He pulls off to the side of the road, pulls out some weed (and not the weed pictured below)

3. He starts to smoke it while continuing to casually ride his bicycle down the road.

4. He sees a police car and takes his time as he turns down a different street.

5. A few seconds later the police car passes where the guy was.

In the states I would inform the policeman. Here, it wouldn't make a difference anyway.

This city needs God just as much as I do.

Got time to kill?

2009-02-22T17:23:00.004-06:00

Get the messy murder accomplished with these three Christian groups:

1. Henrietta and Myrna

hint: reading the comments below it while watching it will make the experience less painful

2. Sonseed

peppy and preppy

3. O Holy Night

I am pretty sure this is a recording of Josh Groban when he hit puberty. I know I know, Dale already posted it on her blog but some things take a while to get old.

Peruvian Culture Fact #2

2009-02-19T17:47:00.002-06:00

My very first Sunday back in Peru, I was riding my bicycle to the school to complete some work there. Suddenly, a water balloon exploded right in front of my bike tire - it had just missed me. I looked for the culprit, but none could be found.

My friends explained to me that, as February is the hottest month of the year in Peru, it is also a month where it is acceptable for people to get each other wet and play water pranks on one another. It gets rougher in poorer districts where sewage water, paint, and worse are thrown on people. They call this “Carnival” though if it were up to me I would give it another name.

I will keep you informed if I actually do get hit.

Just so you know, super is pronounced "sue - pear" when said in Spanish

2009-02-19T17:37:00.005-06:00

My friend Jenna and I are walking around downtown Lima in search of the National Fine Arts School of Peru so that I can enroll in a class. We are lost and Jenna asks someone for directions...

Jenna: Pardon me Señor, do you know where the Escuela de Bellas Artes is?

Señor: I am not sure. …Wait, let me ask my SUPER AMIGO!

Suddenly appears SUPER AMIGO!!! - a man donning a cape, tights, and red underwear! He places his hands on hips and proudly turns to us. His bangs are greased into a tight swirl in the center of his forehead and he has a confident smile!

SUPER AMIGO: Hola, how can I help you?

Jenna: We are looking for the Escuela de Bellas Artes.

SUPER AMIGO: Oh yes! The SUPER ESCUELA DE BELLAS ARTES! You can see SUPER BELLA art and statues and WHATEVER art your heart desires to see. Just go DOWWWWN two blocks, take a RIGHT down to MORE blocks this way, and walk 5 MORE blocks and THEERRREE you will find it!

We told him "gracias" though later I thought back on it and realized that we should have said something more like “You saved the day again SUPER AMIGO!”

Here is a photo of the SUPER ESCUELA DE BELLAS ARTES

"I've got a love emergency" might make a great song lyric

2009-02-19T17:26:00.006-06:00

My roommates and I get a lot of catcalls and whistles in Lima and here are the top 5 reasons why:

1. we are white

2. we have light eyes

3. we have light hair

4. because Peruvians are more expressive than Americans

5. because my roommates are good looking

Here are the top 3 oddest catcalls I have received:

“Hola Leche” (hey milk) – because I am white, get it?
“Hola Arroz” (hey rice) – again, because I am white
“Que bo-ni-to An-ge-li-to” (what a pretty angel)

However, today – I got the catcall of all catcalls.

To hear this story, you must first understand that in Peru, when an ambulance is going down the street, they not only have bright flashing lights but also loudspeakers. Oftentimes you will hear a muffled voice say sharply, “Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people do not comply, “At this instant! Pull off to the side of the road!” and then, if people still do not comply, “HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU PEOPLE!!! GET OFF THE ROAD!!! THIS IS A LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION! HAVE YOU NO HEART!!!” (ok so I have never actually heard the last loudspeaker saying – but I wouldn’t be surprised if it has been said).

Anyhow, this morning I was riding my bike and stared at the ambulance as it was passing me. Out of the loudspeaker, for all the world to hear, came, “Que bonito los ojos!” (translation: What pretty eyes you have).

Peruvian Culture Fact #1

2009-02-15T16:41:00.005-06:00

In Peru, a common phrase is "poco a poco," or "little by little" as that is often how life goes here. It is a short way of saying, "things take time so lets all be patient." I hear it most often used with Americans who are furious when they find that something they wanted done for them by a Peruvian isn't happening in what they believe is reasonable time.

Today, the following usage of the word made my friends and I laugh silently at church today:

Pastor Ramiro (yelling): When you are born again, your life makes a 180 degree turn and its DRAMATIC! You don't say, "I used to be in a relationship with five women - but now that I am born again I am changed - I am in a relationship with only three!" Or... you don't say, "I used to get drunk off of five beers - but now that I am born again I am changed - I only get drunk off of one!"

A soft whine comes from someone sitting behind us: Poco a poco.

4 Christian Romances

2009-01-19T17:19:00.009-06:00

Here are some Christian books I discovered but did not add to my last post - The fact that I did not make them up is even hard for me to believe.

"Eddie and Elaine Doherty's marriage crumbled when he slid into compulsive gambling ten years ago. Now, after a life-changing car wreck, Eddie desires only to live his life for God and family--his wife and two daughters--and to work toward making their ailing mushroom farm succeed. Will Eddie's newfound faith in Christ prove sufficient as times grow harder?"

"Lois Johnson broke up with her rich boyfriend who wasn't a Christian. She's committed to serving the Lord through her new job. When Slow-Joe the Clown falls into her lap, Lois wonders if he might be the man God has in mind for her. Can Joe connect with his real feelings, or will he spend the rest of his life clowning around?"

"At first, Olivia passes over the ad incredulously. What kind of man advertises for a wife? But as time goes by and she can't find work, the "job" sounds more interesting. What better way to earn money for acting school? She can be Juliet to this Romeo, can't she?"

"Michael is a fixer. Jeanie has spent the last year rebuilding her life. She knows God loves and has forgiven her. She finds herself stronger in that knowledge every day…until Michael arrives and brings with him all the regrets and shame of the past. Will Jeanie ever be able to trust herself or her husband again? Can Michael overcome his hurtful, controlling ways? Only God, the true Fixer of mankind, knows the answers."

Newspaper Clipping from the End Times

2009-01-19T16:22:00.013-06:00

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colorado, — Christianware, Inc., a supplier for Christian bookstores worldwide, today announced a new product that will enable born again women to convert the secular romance novels they once used to gratify the desires of their sinful nature into romance novels that will encourage more heavenly desires.

“I am excited to introduce the Christian Romance Novel Converter," said Jedidiah Thomas, president of Christianware, "You simply place a worldly romance novel into the converter, wait 10 minutes for the book conversion machinery to perform its function, and then open up the converter to find a Christian romance novel much better suited to women of a Christian mindset."

Jedidiah Thomas believes this product will be especially valued by energy efficient minded Christians, "Book burnings, though useful for purging households of sinful literature, can often pollute the air with hellish fumes. The Christian Romance Novel Converter provides a green alternative."

We at The End Times decided to purchase and test the converter.

First we inserted Dark Desires after Dusk, a novel drenched in sinful alliteration.

We were pleased with the results. Out of the converter came Forgiven. Note that the sinful abdomens of "Dark Desires" are now safely concealed by a buttoned up polo. An ethereal, lavender mist overtakes the cover's previous darkness as if it belongs in a Thomas Kinkade painting.

We then proceeded to test the converter with Pirate in my Arms, which glorifies piratey commandment breakage and sin.

Out of the converter came delightful Whale of a Marriage, which encourages the more civilized and Christian career of whaling.

We then inserted Tempt Me - a novel which appears to have been published in Hell itself...

...and out came God's Gift. Note how the innocent puppy now leads young couple away from the temptation of physical contact.
Next, we tested how the machine would work on fantasy romance novels...

...and we were pleased with the less passionate result.

We performed the final test with the seductively secular Ghost Hunter.

In only 10 minutes the the Ghost Hunter had accepted Jesus into the heart of it's pages and was converted into The Lumberjack's Lady, a modest tale which fills the reader's head with wood chopping rather than ghosts and other spirits of the underworld.

We were especially pleased that the hero of "The Lumberjack's Lady" closely resembles the Brawny Paper Towels man. The Lumberjack's Lady will not only encourage Christian women to occupy their minds with more pure and light matters such as puppy dogs, lavender mists, and whaling but also will keep their minds on being the housekeeping proverbs 31 wives God intended them to be.

We at The End Times conclude that the Christian Romance Novel Converter it is going to be a success and blessing to Christian households worldwide.

BRiiinngg!...

2008-12-14T18:56:00.002-06:00

Lauren: Amanda! Telephone!

Amanda: Oh. I didn’t even hear it ring.

Lauren: That’s because the phone only rang once, I was on it.

Amanda: Oh, I’m sorry. You were on the phone?

Lauren: No “on it,” as in “on top of it”

Eden: On top of it? You were sitting on the phone?

Lauren: No. Gaaaa!

Meet Lauren

2008-12-09T20:46:00.003-06:00

Lauren is one of my roommates. Amanda and I like to tease her about the words which she uses. Here is a dictionary of her vocabulary:

The Dictionary of Lauren:

Same [seym]

A one-word phrase used to show one feels identical with what has just been mentioned:
Amanda: I really wish I could be as cool as Eden.
Lauren: Same.

Stinkin’ cute [sting-kyn kyoot]

Adjective used to express high enthusiasm over someone, some place, some thing, etc.
Lauren: Oh my goodness my roommate is so stinkin’ cute.

Because A…, B…, and C… [bi-kawz ae…, be…, ahnd see]

Phrase used to express something with three different points to back the expression.
Lauren: I really think Eden is the best roommate ever because A - she always leaves bread sacks open, B – she puts her keys in the refrigerator, and C – she likes eating the plastic wrapped around her cheese.

Ya know right? [yah noh rahyt]

A phrase used to express ''I can't believe it either.''
Amanda: Eden is so extremely awesome.
Lauren: Ya know right?

Appendages [uh-pen-dij-ez] (and other words only smart science majors know)

A science-y term which means any body parts that may extend from a body segment.
Lauren: My appendages are cold.
Amanda: That’s probably because Eden isn’t here to warm your heart.

Meet Amanda

2008-12-09T20:25:00.003-06:00

Amanda is one of my roommates.

She does not get much sleep because she is an English teacher.

Here is a photo of her trying to work when she should be in bed.

Something I never thought I would ask: So what do the nuns you work with think of your nipple piercing?

2008-12-08T19:55:00.002-06:00

Setting: So I am walking with a German, a Peruvian, and American down the street. Yentz (the German…duh) knows just a little bit of both English and Spanish. He volunteers at a clinic my American friend works with.

So Yentz notices three tattoo and piercing parlors across the street. He stops us, turns to us and starts trying to communicate something to us in Spanglish. None of us understand. So, in the middle of the street, he pulls up his shirt, baring his chest. After a moment of wincing, shock, and awkward conversation, we figure out a ball from his nipple piercing has been lost and he is in need of a replacement.

So we go into one tattoo parlor. Yentz isn’t sure how to say what he wants. So he just walks up to the counter and whips up his shirt in the middle of the store. We will soon find the store doesn’t have what he is looking for, however, in Peru when there is a shop specializing in something in one location, shops specializing in the same thing pop up right next door (reason: a cultural connection between shopping and relationships). Anyway, for this reason, we all become acquainted with every tattoo and piercing parlor in the district and every tattoo and piercing parlor in the district becomes acquainted with Yentz’ chest.

He never did find what he was looking for though we each got a free tattoo parlor sticker out of the experience. That was nice. As my American friend said when we laughed over it afterward, “When you live overseas you get to the point where surprises are not so surprising anymore.”

Take a Hike

2008-12-07T06:45:00.003-06:00

While in Huancayo we decided to hike Torre Torre, a bunch of odd formations close to the town. To get there, we had to pass through a village which belongs to a group of indigenous people. As we neared the formations, we saw four boys from the village racing down the hill. Kyle reached out her hand to congratulate the boy who won the race.

“Are you going to hike Torre Torre?” the boy asked us.
We answered in the affirmative.
“Do you want us to take you?” the boy asked.
“How much?” we asked like the wise tourists we are.
“Whatever your will is,” the boy answered.
One of the other boys quickly piped in “As long as you let us take pictures with your cameras.”

And then we became seven.

The tour package included:
• The boys pointing out interesting things we may have missed such as a condor head formation.

• Hiking up the steep formations (it took them 2 seconds to hike something that would take us 30).

• Stopping to rest while our guides told the story of the formations. One would stand up, tell a little bit of the story and then would say, “and now my friend will continue the story.” It was extremely cute when the six year old got up to explain his part.

• After the story, the youngest guide sang a song to us in quechua. They then asked us to sing songs to them.
• On the walk back, we shared songs back and forth.

We paid them and said goodbye by taking one final picture.

Making a Scene

2008-12-07T06:22:00.004-06:00

Polleras - colorful skirts made from hand-woven wool cloth.

Manta - a rectangular piece of cloth worn by indigenous Peruvian women as a shawl, carry-all, and holder for infants and toddlers.The two items mentioned above are traditional pieces of clothing which normal tourists never consider wearing. However, Kyle and Laura, the girls I traveled with for a 2 day trip to Huancayo, are not your normal tourists.

Here are Kyle and Laura trying on polleras.

Peruvians slowed down and stopped to gawk,
laugh,
or say in astonished voices, “They look sooo pretty.” Even a stern faced cop took time to admire them and tell them in English how beautiful they looked.

Kyle and Laura then decided they ought to purchase mantas to help complete their traditional outfits. The vendor helped the girls put their purchases inside their mantas and fling them across their backs.
And then every single person in the market went crazy when they saw them and we became the tourist attraction.

"Aww. Look at the gringas! Where are their babies?" one asked.

Another woman, dressed in her own pollera and manta walked up to my friends and said, “Look at the tourists! How pretty they look.”
She then turned to me with a frown and said “Why didn’t you buy one?” and then the woman was bold enough to whap me on the rear!

An Idiots Guide to Dummies

2008-12-04T21:33:00.006-06:00

It began in the Magdalena Market 5 minutes from my house. He was always standing there, always smiling. His cheesiness mocked me... and occasionally would make me want cheese. On some days he would be wearing a pair of briefs along with a sweater while on colder days he would don a pair of tights, bathrobe, and a simple scarf. Before she left Peru, Dale pulled out her camera and photographed me with him. It was then that it all began.

This continued on the Arequipa trip I went on few months ago. In the darkest corner of our hostel I found her.

Finally, while walking recently down the streets of Huancayo, I stumbled upon one with skin like the night sky. Next to him a companion with the worlds longest side burns. Yes, we were the cause of the laughter of the two salesman in the background of the picture.

It has only been hours since I have realized that I have a thing with taking photos with creepy mannequins ...and I am afraid that my mannequin obsession will not end here.

Dude 2

2008-11-23T06:50:00.008-06:00

How to enjoy surfing in Lima:

Go on a 2 hour bike ride down the beach with two biking friends
Stop and relax sometime in the middle of the bike ride, sitting and watching the ocean
Watch your friend greet a surfing instructor she knows who happens to walk by
Get offered surfing discounts ($6 for renting everything you need for however long you want it!)
Surf the next day
After a long struggle of getting on a wetsuit for the first time, enjoy the fact that you look like a tough ninja
Learn what to do and stretch

8. Get your board and enjoy the fact that you look like a surfer even though you have not touched a wave yet. Throw around some stereotypical “Dude” and “Whoooaaa” phrases in each one of your sentences until your friends give you I-really-wish-I-could-hurt-you glances9. Move out to the waves
10. Catch some waves with the help of an instructor who appears to be one of Jar Jar Binks’ distant offspring (His long and flowing dreadlocks and reddish brown skin did the trick. However, he was different than Jar Jar as well, being helpful rather than stupid and annoying.)11. Die on the floor of a Jeremy and Rachel’s house afterward
12. Resurrect just in time to play with Jeremy and Rachel’s twin baby girls

Extra note: It really was an exciting, exhausting experience. By the end of it my arms were tired of rowing back to the waves, my eyes could barely open, my stomach didn’t feel too good after consuming a good deal of polluted salt water, and I felt seasick on top of it all. But I loved every minute of it and becoming a master of a wave was thrilling even if it only happened on occasion.

“So will I see you tomorrow?” asked Jar Jar, before I left the beach.

“Another day,” I replied with a smile.

Dude

2008-11-22T08:04:00.004-06:00

When surfing the internet this last week, I found some fun answers.

Sleeper Bus

2008-11-21T18:48:00.011-06:00

Wednesday, the junior and senior high students went their first ICSL service project this school year. After a day of shoveling rocks, laying out driveway stones, priming walls, scraping walls, and performing dramas and messages for two schools in the town, the students were exhausted. Here is a collection of photographs Lindsay and I took on the bus ride home:

And then Lindsay and I slept too. Photographing sleeping students is tiring work!

I Love Grading

2008-11-21T06:21:00.005-06:00

In the movie "Groundhog Day" the Phil Conner (the main character) begins to take piano lessons from a music teacher who is continuously surprised at how proficient he is, since she always believes it is his first lesson. The music teacher smugly says "That's my student" to a group of people in awe of her Phil's musical talents.

Sometimes I feel like that teacher - taking credit for talent which cost me little effort. Here are some photos from sketchbooks I graded recently.

Que profesora creeposa!

2008-11-20T21:58:00.004-06:00

When we were in Arequipa we saw a strange advertisement for an educational facility. On it was an innocent looking little girl being taught by a very creepy professor (shifty eyes and a sinister smile). Though we didn’t get a photo of the sign, Kathy and Lauren reenacted it in the photograph below and I can vouch that they reenacted it well.

Kathy played the part as the creepy teacher, Lauren as the innocent young student.

Well, I got my Peruvian ID a few weeks ago, which means I am a resident of Peru and no longer a tourist of Peru. When I was getting my ID photo taken, the camera caught me unawares. And when I was handed my ID, my photograph made me gasp.

My ID photo hints that in the depths of every teacher's heart there is a shifty-eyed teacher waiting for a chance to capture her character. And each one has the same smile.

I learned something new today

2008-11-01T16:06:00.004-05:00

The most gentle way to be woken up from an afternoon nap is through a minor earthquake.

100th Post

2008-11-01T09:41:00.004-05:00

My thoughts 5 minutes ago:

"Hmm. I think I will post on my blog. Click on internet icon... now click on blogger icon... OH NO! 99 posts? That means that this next post will be my...
...100TH POST EVER!
Dagnabit, now I have to post something extra special! I don't have time to post anything extra special!

"Wait. I have an idea. I'll just search on Google images and find type in '100th birthday' and just post the coolest image that pops up first.

"Uh oh. The coolest image is an old woman who almost looks like she is strangling a cat. Oh well. I don't care anymore. This has taken long enough already!"

I did it for you, mom

2008-10-31T16:13:00.008-05:00

At school, October is I-Love-To-Read month. On the 31st, today, we celebrated "Storybook Day," (a very smooth way to avoid Halloween controversy) and all the students and staff dressed up as characters from books they read this month.

I preferred to spend my leisure time with people rather than with books and for this reason, I ended up dressing up as a character from the short and sweet, “Election 2008: A Voter’s Guide”...

...Yes, I went as Sarah Palin.
Happy Storybook Day.

Here are some other characters:

Pot-y Humor

2008-10-27T19:22:00.004-05:00

Today at school I made a list of all the things I need to prepare for my busy Tuesday tomorrow. I opened up the list just now (at night) and read the following:

To Prep for Tuesday:
Bring pot to school.

Wait, I can explain!
I am planning on letting my art club girls try melting things on Tuesday, but no COOKING pot TO BOIL WATER IN is available. Thus, I need to bring one.

Tourist-of-prey

2008-10-17T18:29:00.007-05:00

Chullo: a Peruvian style of hat made from vicuña, alpaca, llama, or sheep's wool protecting it's wearer from the harsh elements of the Andean Mountain Region. The most common consumer of the chullo is the native Peruvian tourist. During our trip last week, we sighted many variations of this camera-bearing carnivore.

While our bus stopped to let us walk around we saw a British woman preying on chullos. She was speaking to the vendor in English and assuming she was being completely understood. A real-life picture of the scene and a record of exactly what was being said can be seen below:

Woman: (holds up a chullo) You wouldn’t happen to have one of a darker color would you?

Vendor: (stares at first, then, confused, picks up a new chullo to show her)

Woman: Oh, you are right this color is quite lovely. Do you have any more like it?

Vendor: (stares)

And the woman didn’t stop talking after this.

There was one other American on the bus who was traveling with her Peruvian husband.
She was talking in Spanish to a tour guide but didn’t have the words she needed in order to communicate well and was struggling for a long period of time with one word in particular. In frustration, she turned to her husband and said in an angry voice, “Honey! Tell me the word I am thinking of!”

You can see a photo of the disgruntled stranger and her husband to the left. Note that she also is a chullo consumer.

Oh yes. Below, are the 3 most deadly chullo consumers of all.

They should be called absenfree ballots

2008-10-15T21:39:00.004-05:00

Today

upside-down.

Absentee ballots: the freedom to vote can be so much more free.

Yes, that is me in the picture above, blur lines expressing that up to this moment, a vote has never been accomplished with such boundless passion.

A New Flavor of Peru!

2008-10-13T16:38:00.008-05:00

We had over a half a week off of school for a holiday. So, four teachers and I traveled to Peru's Culca Canyon. It sort of reminded me of the trips my family takes to Immanuel Mission near Christmastime, except that the dirt wasn't red and the land was being farmed on ancient looking terraces.

I have added the following items to my list of gastronomic accomplishments:
Empanada de Pulpo (Pastry stuffed with Octopus)

Alpaca

Maca y Mocha Frappuccino (Maca comes from a root found in the Andes and has been used as an energy giving herb since the time of Incan rule)

Cheese ice cream

Beer ice cream (only a little lick – everyone else was doing it)

Hot red pepper ice cream

Quote of the Week:
We were walking around an Arequipan market when we saw around 25 frogs hopping cheerfully within the confines of a glass tank:

Eden: "Jugo de Rana"? That means Frog Juice! They don’t actually drink the frogs do they?
Kathy: I don’t know. Go ask the merchant, Eden.

Eden approached the stand

Eden: Good Afternoon. I have a question.
Merchant: Yes…
Eden: Are you really selling frog juice?
Merchant: Yes, its good for headaches and other pains.
Eden: But you can’t drink a live frog whole can you?
Merchant: No, of course not.
Eden: (sigh of relief)
Merchant: No, first we throw the live frog into a blender and liquidify it. THEN you can drink the frog.

Eden said thank you and them walked over to her friends to tell them the merchant's response to the question. A long and loud “eewwwwwww!” soon filled the general area.

Oh yes, at the same booth, miracle muscle growth liquid was being sold.

Guessing What

2008-10-07T14:46:00.004-05:00

I was walking across my room yesterday when I heard a deep noise which shook my entire house. At first I thought one of the following catastrophes were occurring:

But then I realized what was really happening:

After one more deep, earthshaking boom it was all over.

Here is what I did afterward:

Why? Because of the excitement of experiencing my first earthquake of course!

Peru and Prejudice

2008-10-05T22:27:00.006-05:00

While at church, I suddenly transform into the heroine of a Jane Austen Novel as I have my own Peruvian Mr. Collins to torture me there – he is about 6 inches shorter than me, quiet in a creepy way, and is always lurking behind me. Occasionally, he sends shivers up my spine by tapping me on the shoulder...softly.

He took me by the arm today so that he could introduce me to his grandmother, who seemed to think a match between her grandson and I would be quite satisfactory. After this they asked me if I would sit and eat lunch with them at the church anniversary party. I tried to politely excuse myself by saying I was planning on eating with my friend (Kyle the Americana) who, if they would please excuse me, I was needing to find right now. After scanning the room I could not find her and, as he was still lurking behind me, I desperately fled to the bathroom.

After this, he was just around the corner, looking my way, and so I hid behind a pillar. He would be sure to see me soon! I needed an escape. A girl I know walked by and I caught her, “Hi! So good to see you! Are you staying for lunch? Mind if I wait with you?”

Mr. Collins, though a pain, helped me to gain a new friend today.

Q: Why don't you go to Sunday School, Eden?

2008-10-05T17:40:00.005-05:00

A: Because the church service alone is 3 hours long and I can only take in so much Spanish in one blow.

Here is how they manage to make the service twice as long as I am accustomed to:

10:30AM
Service is supposed to begin
10:40AM
Service begins

10 minutes of prayer
30 minutes of worship
NOTE: Worship at my church is pretty special because:

tone deaf or not everyone sings with all their might
the super old keyboard makes every song a true 80's experience - worship often sounds exactly like this actually.
The guy playing the keyboard does have a mullet now (see him in an older photo below).
the songs usually are made up of meaningful rather than meaningless lyrics.

30 minutes of a special presentation (missions presentation/testimonies/skit etc).
60 minutes of preaching (if speaker is feeling merciful; +15 more minutes if he isn't)
20 minutes of communion
10 minutes for offering
20 minutes of announcements
10 minutes for prayer and one last song

1:30PM service over
30 to 60 minutes of everyone talking amongst their friends and family and only then do they go to eat lunch (which often takes about an hour to eat).

I will resist describing the young adult group I attend Saturday nights which usually lasts 4 hours. Peruvians have little room for ADHD, lots of room for relationships. Though they require me to change my nature, I love them sometimes.

Lucas*

2008-10-04T07:55:00.003-05:00

*name is not really Lucas

I happened to be walking alongside 9-year-old Lucas, whose father is a teacher at the school, in the hall about a week ago. He was carrying his father’s briefcase and shoulder bag for him. As we happened to be walking together down the hall he said in a man-voice, "I have big things planned for my classes tomorrow."

Michelle (a volunteer mom at the school): I like your new haircut, Lucas - it looks good on you.
Lucas: Don’t you already have a husband?

Eden's Art Class of Mystical Wonders

2008-09-28T09:06:00.011-05:00

.After a frantic search for something for my students to draw, I laid my eyes upon a glass-encased eagle head in the library. The school's mascot is the eagle. I went to Elizabeth, our secretary and temporary librarian, to ask her if I could use it.
Elizabeth's reply: (in cute Peruvian accent) "Sure! That thing has been creeping me out! Get it out of here."

I then proceeded to "get it out of there."

Eden: Amanda, could you help me lift down this eagle head from the shelf.
Amanda: Sure.
(we lift down the eagle head and set it on the table where Amanda and Jessica are working)
Jessica: That eagle head sure is creepy
Eden and Amanda: Yeah…
Eden: Well, I have to go teach a class for a bit. Would you mind guarding the eagle head for me while I am gone?
Jessica: Sure. As long as it isn't here for too long.
Eden: (Eden turns the eagle head so it appears to be looking straight at Jessica) I am just going to leave it like this…
(pause)
Jessica: …ok the head can't be facing me.

As the eagle head creeped me out in my classroom as well (especially when I was in there alone during planning periods), I covered it with a blanket. At the end of the day, Vanessa, the janitor, was curious to know what the blanket covered object was.

Vanessa: What secrets do you have hidden here?
Eden: Oh, just the eagle head. I took it from the library.
Vanessa: You're such a thief!
Eden: I know
Vanessa: (peeks under blanket) That is really scary looking (then whispers, as if seeing the eagle's creepiness has broken her spirit) Ok, Eden. I won't tell anyone.

Here is the eagle head.

*title reference

3 reasons why my week was amazing

2008-09-27T22:00:00.012-05:00

1. Students did a wonderful (and sometimes creepy) job posing and drawing one another on Friday.

2. Though leading mural painting for a ICSL "spiritual emphasis week" activity made these last two weeks challenging, the work was well worth it. The 4th-7th graders did an excellent job! (It will be complete soon).
3. I was able to actually complete some artwork of my own for the first time in a month or two this Saturday!

Hooray for watercolor pencils!

Quote of the week

Background Information: All students are gathered together in the meeting hall on the last hour of the day on Friday for what the school schedule said would be a "concert," put together by 3 middle-aged men (fathers and teachers of the students). I was sitting next to a group of my students as we were waiting for the "concert" to begin.

Student: Why are they calling this a "concert" anyway? It's not going to be like a real concert is it?
Miss Page: I don't think so, but when the band comes up, we should scream like it IS a real concert.
Student: Yeah! Like they're a boy band.
Miss Page: Um... Ok.

So now my throat still hurts, three middle aged men feel 30 years younger, and the administration may be reconsidering requiring teachers to sit amongst the students during assemblies.

Mi casa es tu escuela

2008-09-21T19:16:00.005-05:00

My roommate Amanda is a hard working first year teacher who often stays late at the school.

Last week we were sitting in our lovely house and she turned to me and sighed, "I just left my rubric at home."

She paused and then said, "I just called school 'home.' That’s sad."

The one where I finally write something serious

2008-09-21T15:40:00.003-05:00

I have begun to get to know Peruvians my age by going to the young adult group at the church I attend. Last night, three girls were accompanying me home and we were walking next to a busy street. Gabi, one of the girls pointed across the street, and asked us if we knew what was going on.
We all looked across the street to see chaos: pedestrians clearing off the street, cars driving out of control. We looked closer to see a crowd of shouting, angry looking men carrying sticks. Then we realized that the crowd of men was running full speed in our direction.
Cynthia, another girl with us, yelled, “RUN!” and so we did, frantically looking for somewhere to hide ourselves. We stopped at an apartment building and Cynthia pressed the intercom button frantically to see if someone would let us in. Fortunately, someone did and we sat down inside, watching men run past, police on their tail.
Meanwhile the girls explained to me that the men were likely a part of a gang and that the worst they would do is steal wallets and scare people.
They said that this kind of thing happens only occasionally in Lima, but that it is especially rare that it would happen in the area we were walking through.
I have never before seen a large group of people so out of control unless you count going to Wal-Mart for an after Christmas sale (How do I miss thee Wal-Mart? Let me count the ways…)

My understanding is now stretched, the definition of civil unrest is now truer in my mind, the world is a much more serious place than I once thought it was.
My faith in my own world has been shaken up and I see now there is only one thing I can ever have complete faith in.

Though it wasn’t as scary as it was interesting, afterward, I had an unpleasant nightmare about my school being attacked by the Sendero Luminoso, the Maoist guerrilla organization in Peru. They were dressed up as clowns which put it on my top 10 scariest nightmare list for sure.

The Little First Year Art Teacher and her Big Bad Mouth

2008-09-18T08:00:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time, there lived a first year art teacher named Miss Page. It so happened that one day, as she was helping her 7th grade art class draw self-portraits, a young lad did approach her saying in good cheer, “Miss Page, can I draw mountains in the back of my self-portrait?”
“Well,” Miss Page did reply, “if you do do the mountains make sure you follow the same rules you followed when you drew your face.”
Alas, at that very moment every boy in the classroom began to giggle as if accursed.
Miss Page sighed, “Yes. Your teacher just said ‘doo doo.’ ”
And from that minute on class never was quite itself again until the end of the period.
The End.

(if you giggled immediately after you read the first “do do” confess in the comment section below).

Feliz Cumpleanos Mama

2008-09-17T05:00:00.001-05:00

HI MOM
I (along with some friends) made this for you and it is now located on a cliff overlooking the ocean in Central Peru. I guess it's kind of like me pathetically "buying a star" for you except that it didn't cost me a cent and there is a 0% possibility that you are getting scammed.

Tyr - d

2008-09-16T19:55:00.004-05:00

My Tuesday Schedule
(the fullest day of my week)

5:20AM wake up

6:20 leave for school by bicycle

6:35 arrive at school

7:45 prayer meeting

8:15 10th grade art - class begins after all students have sleep-walked into class (the class is usually fairly quiet)

9:10 7th grade art - class begins after all students have ran into the classroom full of energy and excitement (they are a group of multitaskers – and will often sing, chat, and make evil plans … while drawing beautifully as well of course)

10:00 I plan while a boy’s Bible class is making use of my room

10:50 6th grade art – a wonderful, respectful, art-loving group

11:40 I plan while an advanced Spanish class is making use of my room

12:00 eat a lunch which the Peruvians I eat with often make fun of. They usually will bring in entire meals as lunch is the biggest meal of a Peruvian’s day

12:40 to 2:40 I teach K, 1, 2, 3 all in a row with no breaks. After this I am exhausted!

2:40 11th and 12th grade art – only 4 students, it’s a laid back group

3:30 clean up classroom

3:45 to 4:45 art club

5:00 leave for home by bicycle

5:15 stop at grocery store to pick up some items

6:00 arrive home

7:00 eat something

7:30 to 10:30 make sure I am ready for tomorrow, procrastinate by writing blog entries

10:30PM I die

Pictured to the left is the god Tyr, identified with Mars, after whom Tuesday is named. Now you can feel free to smugly chuckle at my pun title.

Shelf Assemblage for Dummies in Lima

2008-09-13T15:57:00.013-05:00

How to make a shelf for your classroom in America:
1.) Get in car
2.) Drive to Ace Hardware
3.) Have boards cut for you
4.) Put boards in car
5.) Drive to school
6.) Assemble shelf

How to make a shelf for your classroom in Lima:
1.) Walk to bus stop
2.) Get hit on while walking to the bus stop
3.) Flag down a combi (van-bus thing)
4.) Get hit on while flagging down a combi
5.) Tell the combi man you want to be let off at Ace Hardware
6.) Get hit on by the combi man (who has serious billy bob teeth)
7.) Enter Ace Hardware
8.) Get hit on while entering Ace Hardware
9.) Have boards cut for you with painstaking precision
10.) Get treated exceptionally well throughout the whole process
11.) Leave Ace Hardware and barter for a taxi to put yourself and the cut boards in
12.) Arrive at school and let taxi driver carry boards inside for you
13.) Begin assembling shelf only to realize the school's electric screwdriver has gone missing
14.) Let one of the carpenters (who happens to be working in the school this Saturday) assemble the entire shelf for you in 5 seconds (Just when I think I have lost my faith in ever developing a positive view of Peruvian men, one will do something completely unselfish and self-sacrificing for me).

You can see that my classroom has changed since I last showed it to you.
New features include:
1 shelf
1 plant
1 drying rack
40 books
50 pieces of student artwork on display (some visible in hallway)
1 snail friend attached to the window next to my desk

Imprudent Students

2008-09-13T15:48:00.005-05:00

1. The other day the history teacher picked up the following note which had been passed during class by one of the ESL students:
Though spelled wrong and grammatically incorrect, at least he knows English well enough to make a strong point.

2. Lately I have been working to improve the drawing skills of my elementary students. For this reason, I often will have them draw random objects I find – leaves, plastic flowers, etc. Recently they have been giving me objects which I can add to my collection such as feathers and shells, but the other day they were super excited as they carried a folded up paper towel to me. I opened it. Below is what was inside.
I will treasure it always.

3. In a high school class, one of my students rigged up the following contraption in order to make his drawing's subject matter more interesting.

4.

Public School in Kansas:
parents need to tell students not to stay up past 1:00 AM playing video games

International School in Lima:
parents need to tell students not to stay up past 1:00 AM doing unnecessary homework

Public School in Kansas:
students refer to me as “Miss Page”

International School in Lima:
students (mostly Korean) refer to me as “Meeeees! Meeeeeeeess!”

SUNday!!!

2008-08-31T07:09:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was sunny here. The sun rises again today.
Below is a picture of what I am doing right now.

Eden Simmons House Tour

2008-08-30T11:37:00.006-05:00

Come and visit my house by watching the video below.

Warning: Images in this video may disturb you. This video is NOT recommended for children under the age of 16. It was an unusually sunny day here putting Eden into an excited/weird/happy/Richardsimmonsy mood when recording.

I apologize.

Newsletter 2: A Bunch of Lists

2008-08-30T09:52:00.004-05:00

Hello Friends!

Let me tell you the things I have learned these last few weeks:

students at the school I work at are not afraid of stopping by their teachers' homes and staying to chat for over an hour just because they are in the neighborhood
over 7 people can fit in a taxi

new kindergarteners need to learn that throwing scissors is "not ok"
my favorite flavor of ice cream is sold here and can be obtained within walking distance of the school (I wasn't sure which list to put this statement under)
God has taken away my old life and all the things I once looked to for satisfaction only to show me clearly the depths of satisfaction I can find in serving and knowing Him (Isaiah 19)

Pray for me:

as I decide which church I ought to attend
as I build relationships with the parents of my students

Praise God for:

the loving staff at the school
the joy I have getting up every morning and going to work

Because of His grace and through His grace I serve Him.

Thank you all for your care,

Eden

Isaiah 55

1 "Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

3 Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David.

Taxi drivers: the World's Underecognized Thespians

2008-08-24T23:33:00.003-05:00

I was traveling back home after taking Dale to the airport to fly her out of my life. On the way home I realized how enjoyable it can be to barter with taxi drivers…

Eden: Good evening. How much does it cost to get to…(my destination).
Taxi Driver: (looking a little sheepish) Oh, only 25 little soles…
Eden: (puts on a face of shock) 25 soles??? I normally pay 10.
Taxi Driver: 10? Why that’s so low! (tries to look like I beat him) 20 then.
Eden: (laughs) I won’t pay any more than 15
Taxi Driver: Oh but the traffic!
Eden: 15 is very reasonable
Taxi Driver: Oh but its so far away, Senorita! 18 then.
Eden: 15 and no more.
Taxi Driver: (laughs) Ok then, 15.

Hearing about the taxi driver’s family and business on the way back was just as entertaining - a conversation worth every centimo.

2 Bedtime Stories

2008-08-22T22:59:00.004-05:00

Story 1:

Not long after school started, a new student joined one of my classes. She had not yet had the chance to purchase a uniform. For a week she came into class sporting clothes in her own unique style while the rest of the class donned the regular uniform… until today.

I laughed when one of the students noticed and said in a lifeless voice, “You are one of US now.”

Moral: Studies show that uniforms enhance learning. No studies show that uniforms enhance the feeling that you are a part of a creepy cult…yet.

Story 2:

One of my students is forever tired. Every morning it’s the same: he comes into my class, sits down, and then falls asleep on his desk until the bell rings and class starts. I pass him in the hall and he yawns. His name even sounds like the word “Yawn.”

One morning I needed a model for class and asked for a volunteer. No one wanted to be a model. Then, I decided it was time to utilize my sneaky emergency plan.

I held up a blanket and pillow, “this will be for a longer pose, so whoever wants to do it gets to lie down.”

Yawn, expression unchanging, turned around slowly, and rose his hand.
I smiled a crooked smile.

Moral: There is always a way to use the shortcomings of others’ to your advantage.

A photo of the teachers and administration of ICSL is now available! Just look below:

Their Creepy and their Cooky...

2008-08-22T22:03:00.004-05:00

Yes, I too am now a fan of yearbookyourself.com.

Wow. Joel should have grown up in the 70's - he can don a turtleneck and long hairstyle like none other.

Maid for us

2008-08-17T07:24:00.003-05:00

We have a maid. Her name is Elida. She is about 4'10." She likes to iron.

She comes to our house twice a week.

She washes our sheets, irons them, and puts them on our beds nice and neat.

She rearranges our shoes so that they are not in a jumbled mess in the closet.
She will make us supper.

Sometimes, when she irons pleats in our jeans, she will make us laugh.

When she is done ironing, she puts our folded clothes in piles for us to put in our drawers.
We love Elida.

Quote of the week:
Roomate: (walks in to the room) Guys.....
Rest of us: What?
Roomate: (whispers) So I was just upstairs and Elida ... well ... she even irons our ... UNDERWEAR!!!